so, yes.

I have nothing to update.
I'm happy. With people around me. No time allocated for any hatred. Alhamdulillah.

Again, I have nothing to update.
Rumahtangga yang bahagia bukan terbina semata-mata 

dengan akad nikah yang sah. Ia memerlukan persediaan, 

bukan semata-mata anganan.

His Promise.

“And if My slaves ask you about me, I am near. I answer the duas of the one making the dua if they call upon Me.” Baqarah 186
InshaAllah, He will ease it all, in fact He is The One who always do that. :)

Of us. And truth.

Sometimes, it takes distances for us to realize the true meaning of love and pure relationship. 
I miss us. ;(((


‎"Forgiveness is not for the weak. 

Being able to forgive those who have wronged you is a mark of spiritual strength and confidence. 

When you forgive, you grow, your heart begins to heal, your back straightens up, your eyes clear so that you can see the road ahead. 

Anger is a spiritual sickness; but when you forgive you live."
Alhamdulillah. Things went well here. I'm happy with my life now. I'm happy with my family, with my sister's getting married, with my loveable new housemates, new friends, with him, with everyone and most importantly with Allah's blessings inshaAllah. I'm very very grateful for that and I couldn't ask for more. He is indeed The Almighty God, He knows what to give to His servants. Despite of all the tests, alhamdulillah, He rewarded me with the top notch blasts. May all things stay this way, and if there is more after this, make me more grateful for You and if there is going to be less than this in future, put my heart still and never lose hope in You. Have a good day people, and be grateful:)

p/s : Please 'people', don't ruin this. Let me be happy, even if this is the least that I could have.

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Do you ever wonder why often you can’t have the things you want most? Perhaps if you got them in this life, they would distract you from Him. Perhaps He withholds some things that you love in this life to keep your heart from being distracted…and then gives those things to you in the next. Forever.
-Yasmin Mogahed
Sometimes, I'm just tired of giving out too much.

Aladdin and Jasmine.

New version of Aladdin and Jasmine.
Aladdin:Would you like to take a ride on my magic carpet?
Aladdin:Listen habibti, I can take you to a whole new world ;-)
Jasmine:Have you talked to my mahram yet?
Aladdin:Well no... but...
Jasmine:So you think you can just fly up here and I'll hop on your "magic carpet" and ride to a "whole new world" with you??
Aladdin:Well that was the plan but...
Jasmine:Brotha please, go talk to him about my dowry and when there's a ring on it I'll fly with you anywhere. Until then, go see if Snow White is free. She lives with 7 men, I'm sure she'd like to go to a whole new world with you.

One step at a time.

I want to trust people more, and I did. I want to love people more, and I did. I want to care for people more, and I did. I want to forgive and forget people's bad deeds, and I did. I want to do every single thing that will make me happier and more grateful than I am now. InshaAllah. One step at a time. :)

School days. Back then.

Playback a few videos that remind me of my school days back then. Tears falling. Oh I've been missing those moments so much. How sometimes, we don't want to grow up to face the future, how sometimes, we were so eagerly want to grow up to skip away from the problems. Man, I miss the fights, I miss the chaos, I miss the laugh, I miss the happiness, I miss everything that my school days brought me into. To be honest, what I am today, is build from what I were before. It feels so good seeing your friends, long lost friends though they appeared only in those photos and videos. I miss the yelling from the teachers, the tantrum over the morning roll call. Oh. 5 years since I've left my school yet its memories smeared everywhere. We were that students, that MRSM's students that people always talk so loud about. We were that naughty students, we were that hardworking mental breakdown students, but that is what make we as we are today. Bet over my finger, you will always, and always cherish the school days moments forever. More or less, the memories will always buried in our heart.

Not tonight.

So, cheat me over and over again. Toy me like I am no human. It is so sickening how I am able to forgive you despite of everything that you've done. All those terrible things. It is totally sickening. No, it is not okay to play with my heart, it is not okay to play with anyone's heart. I'm sorry but you got no privileges to do that. Not in million years. I hate you for making me this fragile. I hate you for breaking my heart. Just because. I hate you. 

A sudden.

It's an-early-in-the-morning-feeling that make my heart pounded. It's weird. I guess it's a 'missing' syndrome. Or just a feeling. Was it too much if I've ever hoped that we will get back together, for good this time, forever till jannah? Long lost memories come and hit me again, please don't hit me hard. Second time is not good to play around you see.

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Just a simple talk.

Well, I just have a feel to write this. 

To be what I am now, it's not that easy. And to be you is not that easy too, so embrace yourself people! Difficulties, they are everywhere. But I've once listened to a talk given by Dr. Muhaya, she said that, despite of focusing to all the difficulties or challenges or sickness that we've been going through, why don't we just appreciate of what we have now? Be grateful for them as there are so many graces that Allah gave us that could empower all the difficulties. For example, if people ask, 'hey, how are you?', we should have replied, 'Alhamdulillah, I'm feeling good.' instead of 'I'm good, but I think I'm going to catch a fever soon'. My dear, we haven't get any fever yet, but it seems like we are celebrating and inviting it to come, didn't we? Well, I used to replied in that manner before*slap*slap. Indeed, we can't change ourselves instantly, but we will, slowly and istiqamah, if we are determined to. A journey to be a better Muslim is not easy, but it is not that hard either. I've seen that scenario around me. Pluck the courage inside you, because deep down, every human being just want to be a good and better human being. 
This is the least of what I have to pay for what I aimed for. Pengorbanan. It demands more than just a homesickness. Grab almost all my souls. Diffuse almost all of my energy. I miss my parents so badly. Seriously. Last time when I was in MMU, the situation is nothing like this. Now, here, it's not the same. I'm not a baby anymore, I know that, but this is too much for me. All I want is going home. But, to do that, that is so not me. I don't want to burden my parents, not anymore. Kena kuat kena kuat, mannn I really have to brace myself. Really! Allah is always by my side. Knowing that, I have to keep strong, for I will let everyone's hopes down by behaving like such a baby. Hati kena kuat! 

Dia ada.

Rindu semua orang. Tak senang nak tabahkan hati, tidak mempedulikan orang. Rindu ma, rindu ayah. Setiap kali bercakap pasal mereka, mesti nangis. Rindu. Rindu sangat. Tapi kalau saya tak kuat, macam mana orang disana yakin saya boleh jaga diri dengan baik kan? Kena kuatkan hati. Tape. Benda baik ni kadang kadang susah kita nak kekalkan. Tula cabarannya. Belajar semakin susah, ye memang semakin susah. Tapi kalau tak susah, mana nak dapat thrill tu kan? Mana nak dapat keindahan selepas tu? Kan? Kita kena yakin kita mampu, makanya Allah pasti tolong kita. Sedih senang susah suka, semua dengan Dia. Mengubah diri tak semudah mengubah tulisan yang boleh didelete begitu sahaja. Memerlukan sifat istiqamah, memerlukan semangat. Nak mencari syurga, kenalah bersusah susah dulu, pastu bersenang senang kemudian, kan? InshaAllah mencari nur itu akan dibantu Dia. Rindu sahabat sahabat. Tapi kadang kadang kita kena tinggalkan orang yang kita sayang untuk sesuatu yang lebih penting. Tape, Allah ade bersama. Tape. :)


Alhamdulillah. Things went well. The transfer, the house, the campus, the people, family and myself. All went well, thanks to Him. This is going to be a great starter inshaAllah. As long as we keep holding on to Him, He will always help us in many ways. So, live life with a smile! :)
semua orang ada kepala angin masing masing kan. saya pon. tp kalau berhemah sikit masa bercakap, masa berbincang tu, salah ke? saya cukup pantang kalau saya cakap elok elok, tapi orang cakap kat kita balik mcm kita ni hamba abdi, main tengking tengking. ape nye? hormat menghormati la tua muda pon. kalau yang tua je nak dia dihormati, abis yang muda ni? best je nak hinyak hinyak? aku dgr je org tengking, terus ah suara sebak, airmata mengalir. time tu kalau bercakap tak guna akal, bercakap guna orang tengah, syaitan. saya manusia biasa. ada waktu sempat istigfar, sabaar dalam diri, tp kdg kdg alpa. apa salahnya saling mengingatkan. kalau berbincang, kalau bercakap, motif nak salahkan orang tanpa usul periksa, nak tengking sana sini macam diri sendiri tu raja sekalian alam, tolonglah fikir, orang lain pon ada perasaan. awak tak membantu langsung. kalau pon takreti nak membantu, bagi sokongan la. susah? mahal? berat? aku takfaham la dgn sesetengah manusia. hari hari makan hati. aku penat nak layan drama murahan gini.
So, yes, I hope that you're having fun bluffing around. Because that's what makes you, you. 

Advance farewell.

If I were meant to off to somewhere else, alhamdulillah. I have no words to tell you how much I would be grateful for that. And people, thank you for the memories. Thank you for giving me so much pain. They taught me a lot. I would be off, quietly. You people have hurt me so deep that I wouldn't be able to forget that. Yes, I've forgave you guys since ages, but to forget? No, not me. I tend not to forget whatever things happened to me, so that it would be a lesson for me, in future. Thank you for the sweet talks, thank you for everything. It must be hard on you to pretend like you're comfortable having me around, no? I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry for every bad deeds that I've done. So, this is an advance farewell. Till soon. 

And this goes to her. :)

And this goes to my love. She's the one that I knew will never let me go, the one that will never make me cry, the one that will never break me. Yes, she is the one. Friends, come and go, but this one, the one that I took for much closer than a sibling, never pluck her feet away. She knows something that others don't, she talks something that others won't and she gives something that others can't. I miss her I miss her I miss her. Being a medical student, I know how hard it is to juggle around her chores and school, so...(I am so sorry b, I know that you are so busy, that's why I rarely bugging you around lately). All the best with your exams, tests, labs, corpses (? hihi). I know that you will be doing just fine, all the way through. May all the demons of heart stay away from you, far away. O Allah, I miss her. :(


I'm quite astonished of how snobbish people could be. I mean, saya tahu awak punya ilmu lebih dari saya, ye awak dah pegi menunaikan rukun islam yang terakhir, ye awak pakai pakaian yang menutup aurat dengan sempurna. Tapi tu tak bermaksud awak punya hak untuk menghakimi saya luar dan dalam. We are just human beings. You ARE human being too. Saya tahu ilmu saya kurang, ape memang wajar awak buat saya seolah olah saya orang yang paling teruk di dunia ni? Macam saya taktahu langsung hukum hakam agama ni? Awak boleh kan nasihat saya, tegur, perbaiki saya dengan cara yang berhemah. Junjungan kita S.A.W pon takpernah berdakwah dengan cara yang kasar, apa lagi awak? Saya cuba mendalami ilmu, baik dunia ataupon akhirat. Saya cuba untuk menjadi manusia yang lebih baik, tapi kalau manusia lain berperangai macam awak, itu bukan ke seolah-olah seperti menghalang niat suci saya itu? Muka saya, muka awak, muka sesiapa pon, tade papan tanda yang bagitau yang kita ni ahli syurga ke ahli neraka ke? Awak, Tuhan tu Maha Kaya, Maha Mengasihani, Maha Pengampun. Awak takberhak meletakkan saya dimana mana posisi yang awak fikir saya layak. Itu bukan tugas awak. Saya bukan seorang yang penyabar, tetapi selagi saya boleh kawal diri saya, inshaAllah, nothing bad akan jadi. I am a very straightforward person, please, jangan buat perkara yang boleh menggalakkan lagi mulut saya cakap bukan bukan directly to you. Saya hormat awak, up until this moment, jadi apa salahnya kalau awak hormat saya jugak? Please, don't easily judge.


You promise me that you'll be there for me. But, I can't find you now. When things are starting to be just fine, when I've started to be one full of sunshine, you datang buat ribut pulak. I'm seriously dah out of idea how to deal with you. You're my strongest, yet my own weaknesses, what shall I do. What shall I do. Everyone is leaving me. And then, you found me. Throwing some sweet talks, some promises which you yourself can't keep it. Aaah you are still leaving me. The one that I thought would be The One, the one that I thought would sang me a lullaby during my down, (and I don't even have that thought of having down period when I'm with you), the one that I have no idea will ever hurt me like this. Ahhh I'm asking too much, didn't I? I'm busy 24/7, so are you, why are you bringing up that issue I pon taktahu. I've told you, do not put your hopes too high for me, but you insisted me that you don't even care. Seriously, who are you kidding now? I'm tired of having sooo much dramas, sooo much actors actresses in my life. Stop being like one! I'm too fragile to give what I've already have in pieces. I thought you were different. I really do. Saying that I've broke you heart wasn't true because the fact is, you broke mine first. :I

Not enough.

It is so hard to coax our heart. To be patient and more patient. Despite of all what happened, I might be the best pretender; pretend to be alright, pretend to be strong. Those who didn’t witness my struggles can simply judge, I really don’t mind. They really thought that they are the one who have those rights, I think. Though it’s quite hurtful to bear, but its okay, because by hook or by crook, I have to face that, right? Though I’m crying every night, though I’m hurt inside, I can stand up and say that I’m alright. Because I’m that kind of person. Because I know He is always with me, never leave me alone. 
If you think I'm going to choose you over My Lord, you're WRONG!
It is almost the end of Ramadhan. How are we treating Ramadhan this year? As for me, I hope all of the changes will remain unchanged, and I will remain istiqamah with what I've decided to do. The decision, the situation that I'm in, the action that I've took, I hope they are all one pile of good things. InshaAllah, all the upside downs will turned out to be alright soon, yea? Good day everyone. And, will this be our last Ramadhan? And have we worked as much as it takes if it is so? :)
To all those suffering from sadness or depression, know that it isn’t your fault. It isn’t because you’re weak. It isn’t because you’re just not grateful enough. It isn’t because you’re just not religious enough. It isn’t because you don’t have enough faith. It isn’t because God is angry with you. To all the well-meaning people who tell you this, just smile. And know deep in your heart that the tests of God come in different forms to different people. And know that, by the help of God, every test can become a tool to get closer to Him. And that, verily, with hardship come ease–and like all things of this world–this too shall pass. - Yasmin Mogahed

I’m okay with people judging me this and that and whatnot. All I ask is for you to understand me. If waiting for me is tiring enough for you, maybe it’s time for you to let me go. I won’t regret it because I know, up there, My Lord is looking after me, patting my heart, saying that, ‘I am The One who know better what is the best for you.’ 

My heart is aching. Wake up in the middle of the night is nothing abnormal to me. Crying in my prayers is nothing abnormal to me. It’s aching too much that I’ve to knock on it several times while istighfar. If you think you are the only one dying out there, trust me, I’m not any way better. And trust me twice; there is someone out there, in much greater pain compared to us. 

I don’t know about future, but for now, this is my decision, this is I want and I’m stick to it. As much as I’m trying to be redha with it, I hope you will try your best to be redha as well. Remember this, if the things were meant to be yours, they will be yours; no matter what. 

"And whoever wants to know how much he loves Allah then let him see, when he is given a choice between two matters, one of which Allah loves and the other which he himself loves, then let him see which one he chooses."
Shaykh Saalih al Maghamsi 


Walaupun bersendiriana, alhamdulillah, saya masih boleh bangun dan tersenyum bahagia. Saya yakin Allah lebih menghampiri orang yang bersendirian kerana di waktu itulah hambaNya dan Dia menjadi lebih akrab. Manis kan cara Allah tunjukkan rasa rindu dan cinta Dia kepada kita? Alhamdulillah. :)

Person: “Aren’t you hot in that headscarf?”
Me: “No, not really.”
In my head: “Hell is hotter.”

Breathe with it. 


Sometimes when my duas are not answered I look back at some of the things I remember asking for in the past and I say alhamdulillah that didn’t get answered.
If your dua is not answered, trust that it is for the best. Perhaps in the future you’ll be relieved certain duas didn’t get answered.
“Ketika Allah menginginkan dua hati bertemu, dia akan menggerakkan keduanya sekali. Tidak hanya salah satu.”
- Ustaz Don Daniyal 


Didatangkan dugaan itu untuk manusia sedar tiada yang lebih berkuasa melainkan Dia. Sedih. Terluka. Terkilan. Tapi, Allah masih sayang saya. Saya percaya ini ketentuan Dia. Bukan itu yang telah ditetapkan untuk saya. Saya yakin dengan keputusan saya kali ini. Harus kuat. Harus kuat. Kata mimie, hati saya lebih layak untuk seseorang yang lebih tinggi kedudukannya disisi Allah SWT. Ameen. Saya tersasar dari landasanNya seketika, kelalaian yang dibisikkan oleh syaitan. DiberiNya dugaan sebegini kerana saya telah membangkitkan kemurkaanNya. Tapi, sayang Allah itu lebih banyak dari kemurkaanNya, diberi kesempatan untuk saya sedar, untuk saya kembali kepada Dia. Perasaan ini bukan sedih semata-mata, tapi syukur. Syukur nyawa saya belom ditarik sebelum saya sempat bertaubat. Syukur telah ditunjuk jalan oleh Dia. Syukur masih punya sahabat yang ambil berat. Sungguh banyak kesyukuran yang harus dipanjatkan. Kerdil sungguh kita disisi Dia ya? :)


Alhamdulillah. Di beri kesempatan oleh Nya untuk terus bernafas. I dah semester kelima, bermaksud I ada lagi 4 semester untuk tamatkan pengajian I. Tp most probably next semester I kena pindah Perak atau Penang. I tak kisah either one, asalkan I boleh further my studies.

Mimie dah register RCMP, alhamdulillah. Haa kan I dah cakap b. You mampu buat. Semoga you terus dilindungi disana. Doakan kalau kalau I kena pindah, I kena pindah Perak. Hihi boleh hari hari meroyan dengan you.

You, I tahu you tak baca pon blog I ni. Tapi tapela, I menulis bkn untuk org baca pon. I cuma nak you tahu, I sedang cuba sedaya upaya I. I harap you bersabar. Kalau you jemu, jangan lupa gitau I tau? Hihi.

Ayah, bersabar ya? Kami semua ada bersama ayah. InshaAllah semuanya akan baik baik sahaja. Ateh nak ayah tahu, whatever happens, this is us, standing together, with you. Allah pasti tahu ayah kuat sebab tu Dia kasi dugaan ni tuk ayah. Pasti ada hikmahNya.

Semoga Sya'ban ini memberi seribu kemanisan dan keberkatan buat semua. Taksabar menyambut kedatangan Ramadhan, bulan penuh barakah. Alhamdulillah untuk semua yang telah terjadi, baik mahupun buruk. Semoga yang mendatang hanyalah yang baik baik sahaja untuk kita semua, inshaAllah.



My feelings get messed up. So, it is true. Age is not a measurement of maturity. You can't expect people to get matured as soon as their age increases. It's hard, yes it is to handle this kind of people. I'm not saying that I am matured enough, I am not. But, experiences, pain, tests and upside down in my life taught me well. If you act like a baby, how am I going to put my trust in you? To take care of me, of my children. Don't ruin everything. If we were meant to be, alhamdulillah. But please, at least try to be matured. I'm not asking you to be over-serious, stern or such, all I ask is for you to know how to differentiate between what you should and shouldn't do, say or act. Childish-ness is awesome, but Islam taught us to be moderate, no? Have some thoughts, would you? 

p/s : Mr. Google, mature : fully developed in body or mind, as a person:

So soon.

To choose or to be chosen? I'm quite frustrated with myself. I don't know what I want, yet I don't know what should I do. All I want is to ensure no one gets hurt out of my decision. It's killing me. :(


Hi there.

Em. Well. Assalam. Em. This is awkward, but yes, em, I have to do this. I really really hope YOU read this. Well. Thank you for having the intention to make me yours. Em. How am I going to say this ya. Okay here we go. Again, thank you for that. I did not expect that coming from  YOU.  YOU gave no signals and such. I'm quite shocked, I might say. It's not that YOU are lacking of anything, it's just me. I have problems with myself, when it comes to commitment. I am that loud girl that YOU knew. But with YOU, I am numb. Honestly speaking, with YOU, I malu. Let's stay like this for a while, hm? Let's be friends, like we used to be. And, YOU're younger than me, maybe in future, better things will come to YOU. But for now, friends? 


Alhamdulillah. Exam final dah pon tamat. Another sem break. Hihi. Though saya taleh jawab pon exam baru baru ni, tapi bahagiaaa. Sebab? Sebab saya akan ada satu masa rehat panjangg tuk tenangkan balik ape yang bergelora, untuk jumpa orang yang saya rasa bahagia masa jumpa. And! Masa panjang nak duduk rumah. I've been missing home a lot.

Oh ye. Awak. Ye awak. (itupun kalau awak baca blog saya ni) Saya dah maafkan awak. Walaupon awak takmintak maaf, tapi tapela. Saya dah lupakan semua. Saya harap dibukakan hati awak untuk ada common sense dalam hidup ni. Hidup ni bukan setakat kenal hi then bye macam tu je tau? Semoga awak bahagia, semoga awak tak akan pernah alami apa yang saya alami aritu. Sebab awak kawan saya, sakit awak, sakit saya. Saya tahu betapa sakitnya perasaan saya aritu, jadi saya taknak awak pon turut sakit mcm tu. Semoga awak bahagia okay? :)

Everyone, please be happy. Semoga terus ditemani Dia selalu. :)

All I need is You.

It's my final exams for this sem. I have to say, I have nothing to hold to but tawakkal. My spirit have been sucked up by I-don't-know-what. Pain and after pain. Only Allah knows how's trembling I am now. The day is tomorrow. Yet, I'm still at my wits end. Ya Allah, I know You are always by my side. This time, hold me tighter than before. I'm falling down. Please Ya Allah, hold me tight. Ease this pain, ease everything. 

p/s : Semoga dipermudahkan Dia. Kamu, doakan saya ye? :)
Let go of your grudges. Let the bitterness die tonight. Make a decision today that it's time to

 move on. And begin again. New, this time. Never forget that what has passed you by was 

never meant to befall you. And what has befallen you, was never meant to pass you by. 

Know  that sometimes Allah withholds from you, in order to give you something better. Keep  

your heart focused on Him, and He will take care of the rest. And remember: you will 

tumble, but that’s part of the path. Keep going. Keep rising, and refuse to give up.


An advice from a good friend.

Just remember that when you hide someone’s faults in this 

life, Allah will hide yours in the next. :)

A letter to you.

Dear you.

I never thought that we could be this far. We both know what we both want. Yet, we are claiming for each other’s silence to talk for ourselves. My heart is beating your name, long after it had rested for ages. I’m calling all the du’a for you to be mine. I’m calling all the du’a for you to be mine. I’m calling all the du’a for you to be mine. But if Allah’s will is beyond what I’ve asked, I bend to Him. I believe He already save me a heart to complete mine. I’ll smile if you were meant to be for the others. It’s going to hurt, a lot, I’m not gonna lie, but inshaAllah, it is going to be okay soon. Even now, though it hurts so deep, I could still smile while my tears are rolling down. Once again, I’m calling all the du’a for you to be mine. 

Live with it. :)

I guess I have to live with it.
Once after another.
MashaAllah, I should have been grateful.
His Trials are nothing but to test me. He believes that I am strong enough to bear all that pressure.
Things are up, and things are down.
Tears and frustration came by.
Who am I to grief.
Yet, who am I to be so frustrated.
Roses are not all red, and cats are not all black.
We used to draw A, but we never thought that it could made up a lot of word.
We used to draw anything, but never thought that it could be just everything.
Our assumptions, our dreams, our tests, and our life.
They are bounded to keep and make us who we really are today.

Thank you Allah for giving me such opportunity to be the better person that I thought that I couldn’t be and for the fact that I’m still far from perfect, I’m looking for the imperfections, for the sake of changing them.



11april2012. Arwah tok abah yang selesa kami panggil 'abah' telah dipanggil untuk bertemuNya. Ini ada kematian kedua dalam keluarga saya selepas ibu saudara saya. Alhamdulillah keesokan harinya arwah selamat dikebumikan. Alhamdulillah, saya berkesempatan memandikan arwah. Usai dikafan, anak beranak diberi peluang mengucup arwah buat terakhir kali. Sunyi sepi, diiringi esakan kecil kedengaran. Sungguh, saya akui tidak elok bersedih dikala waktu seperti itu, tapi yang berada didepan saya, terbujur kaku itu abah saya. Satu satunya datuk yang ada. Namun, ternyata Allah lebih menyayangi arwah, memanggilnya terlebih dahulu dari kami. Allahuakbar, lutut menggigil, badan kaku ketika memeriksa nadi arwah pada malam rabu lepas. Hanya nenek saya, che, abang sulung dan saya berada di rumah ketika arwah menghembuskan nafas terakhir. Hanya Dia yang tahu perasaan saya ketika itu. Allah. Semoga abah ditempatkan dalam kalangan para solihin dan orang beriman. Semoga amalan arwah dan doa doa kami diterima Yang Esa buat menemani abah di alam sana. Sehingga berjumpa di hayat yang seterusnya abah, bersama senyuman yang terukir diwaktu hayatmu dan juga diwaktu pemergianmu InshaAllah. Al-Fatihah. :)
A best friend will ask you 'why' for every single reason that makes you cry or laugh.
But a good friend will tell you to be patience of the test and  be grateful of the happiness.

A best friend will text you whenever you need them.
But a good friend will always come to your home and lingering around you even when you tell them nothing.

A best friend will talk badly about the person that you don't like.
But a good friend will talk directly to the person that hurts you.

A best friend will do whatever that you want them to do.
But a good friend will only do things that will give you any good.

A best friend and good friend, they are look alike but way too different. You can be best friend, any time. But you can't be a good friend by just saying 'hi'. Know what I'm saying?


Clock is ticking. Finals are approaching. And yet, I haven't do anything about it. No study, no revision. Should have been more sensitive towards this issue later. Being such an ignorance is not that great afterall. :)
Sedikit terluka saya akui. Jangan pernah menghampiri kalau niat bukan untuk menikahi. :I
Alhamdulillah. All praises to Him. All praises to Him. You can't expect anything better than His plans. He is indeed, knows the best for us and gives us what should we have. Kadang diberi sesuatu bukan untuk kita nikmati, tapi untuk kita mensyukuri. Terima dengan hati terbuka, inshaAllah dipermudahkan segala olehNya. Kalau yang baik dariNya itu, sudah pasti baik untuk kita kan? :)

Friend? Think twice.

If you can't keep a secret, please don't be my friend. If you can't talk anything but bad about me, please don't be my friend. If you have devil thought about me, please don't be my friend. If you can't stand seeing my happiness, please don't be my friend. If you can't be honest with me, please don't be my friend. If you can't trust me, please don't be my friend. If you don't want to be my friend, please don't act like you do. It's me who looks pretty pathetic down here thinking that our friendship is true. Having enough of me? Then go. Don't pretend. Don't keep pretending.  
"When I’m alone and need someone to support me, no one comes to help me except Allah. When I pretend to be strong, no one sees my hidden tears except Allah. When I’m sad and need a shoulder to cry on, no one supports me but Allah. Pleasing a human is very difficult, pleasing Allah is the easiest. People sometimes punish me for mistakes I have not done, Allah ignores and excuses the ones that I did. This is Allah, The Greatest, The Most Almighty, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful, and all praise belongs to Him."
Isn't it ironic that the only person who can make you really happy is the same person who makes you sad and lonely? And in the end of the day, only one remains, Allah. :)
We lost each other the moment you ripped out my trust. I've tried to considerate everything but it seems like everything isn't enough to pay off what have you done to me. I'm sorry I'm being harsh. I can take once and twice, but not over and over again. My heart gets hurt, my pride gets down. You can walk your way, and I walk mine. So long, friend. :)
I am flawed. I have many flaws, too much even for me to handle. I am loud, sometimes harsh, normally fierce, seldom rude, terribly annoying, too straightforward, or in one simple sentence, I am the combination of all bad bad things. I don't want to, but this is who I am. I want to change, so much. So much that sometimes it broke me down. I want to be soft, I want to be everything that a woman should be. Hurt so many hearts, annoyed plenty of people, oh dear, trust me, I didn't mean that. Being me is just not good enough. I want to change and I know that it will cost me cosmic to change, as a manner of speaking. I just want to be good, to everyone, for myself, for my Lord. :I
All over again. :)

Cuma sahabat.

Saya tahu saya bukannya baik, bukannya wara', bukannya maksum, bukannya segala. Tidak pernah wujud niat untuk memberi kamu harapan atau seumpamanya. Tidak pernah berniat mempermainkan perasaan manusia yang saya kasihi sebagai sahabat. Kamu membuat andaian atas sesuatu yang tidak utuh. Kalau melayan kamu sepertimana saya melayan sahabat yang lain itu dikatakan cinta, ya itu cinta kepada sahabat, tapi maaf, bukan cinta seperti yang kamu inginkan. Bukannya kamu tidak cukup baik, tidak cukup segala, tapi rasa kasih dan sayang itu kiriman Dia. Dia hanya mengirimkan rasa itu atas nama sahabat, bukan selainnya. Maaf andai perbuatan saya selama ini ada yang menyentuh jiwa, mengguris perasaan. Katamu, kamu mengerti saya ini seperti apa. Kalau benar begitu, kamu tidak akan membenarkan perasaan aneh itu menginap dihati kamu. Tapi abaikan. Letakkan salah itu pada saya, mungkin segalanya salah saya, bukan kamu. Sudah beberapa kali saya tegaskan namun kamu tetap begitu. Bagaimana lagi harus saya terangkan. Mungkin salah cara saya menerangkannya. Maaf. Sekali lagi maaf. Kalau ada sesuatu yang boleh saya lakukan untuk memperbaikinya, akan saya lakukan. Jodoh itu rahsia Tuhan. Mungkin bukan sekarang, tapi siapa tahu. Mungkin juga bukan sampai bila-bila, mungkin juga untuk kamu itu telah dipersiapkan yang lebih baik dari saya. Maaf. :)


Peluang kedua jarang hadir.
Jangan sia-siakan.
Jangan biar aku lelah tersungkur lagi.
Sekali cukup merapuh aku, jangan ditempa lagi kerapuhan ini.


Aku akur andai kamu untuk aku.
Aku terima seadanya.
Aku juga redha andai kamu bukan untuk aku.
Aku terima apa adanya.

Luh Mahfuz menyimpan sejuta rahsia.
Ya mungkin kali ini rahsia aku bakal dicerita.
Dan mungkin juga kali ini rahsia aku masih utuh sebagai rahsia. :)
I'm going to pick up all the pieces, put them back together and make them fit. And even if it doesn't come out the way it's supposed to look, it will be beautiful. I will make it so. :)
If Allah knows any good in your hearts, He will give you something better than what has been taken from you. - Surah Ul-Anfaal, 8:70

  Imagine stepping outside every day—your body and face in complete concealment from the rest of the world, with only a slit exposing your eyes to see where you are going. A life devoted to the constant worship of God, through extremely modest dressing.
This is the life that twenty-six-year-old Noor B. lives every day. This is the life of a niqaabi (nɪˈkɑːbee), a woman who wears the niqaab or Islamic face veil.

  It is lunch time and Noor is on break from the weekend intensive seminar she is taking entitled: Islamic Code of Ethics. The lounge is flooded with young women: some wearing head scarves and jeans, other’s robed with complete face veils. Greetings of Assalamu Alaykum (Peace be upon you) are exchanged as the women eat and eagerly discuss the new information they have acquired from the seminar.

  Noor sits with her back facing the exit door. She does not want to take the chance of a man seeing her face when the door opens. She explains that it is generally okay to take off her veil in front of other Muslim women and close male relatives, but in this instance she was in a public area and did not want to take a risk.

  Dressed in an all black niqaab and jilbaab (a looser outer garment that covers the entirety of a woman’s body) all I can see are the creases on the corner of her eyes indicating her nervous smile. She does not think she is worthy of being interviewed and apologizes for eating while I conduct the interview. She lifts the black veil, takes a bite of her egg roll and then lets the veil fall back in its place as she finishes chewing. She makes sure to tell me one of her biggest challenges is eating. “It’s so hard!” And with the same process of lifting her veil for each bite, one can only imagine how tedious it can be. Eating is not her only problem though, as she tells me that finding places to purchase her niqaab’s and jilbaab’s are not easy, especially given her petite figure. “I got this one from Saudi Arabia, and I had to hem it like 6-inches! …And when I shop in the [Islamic] stores in Brooklyn, they are so expensive.” She tells me she likes the black ones because they draw less attention than a brightly colored outfit would.

Noor began wearing the niqaab six months ago when she went to Mecca for ‘Umrah, a pilgrimage that can be performed any time throughout the year. “Seeing all these women in niqaab, I was like, what am I doing?” So she took the next step—completely veiling her face and body. When she came back to her hometown of Brooklyn, NY she received mixed reactions.
It was no surprise to Noor’s mother who is already a niqaabi, but her friends were not as supportive. “I had friends who didn’t understand the super-change I was going through. It was mostly my non Muslim and non practicing Muslim friends who were surprised.” Although she has remained sociable with her friends, she admits these friendships are not the way they used to be.
She explains that the issue of niqaab as an obligation or an option has been the crux of the debate amongst Islamic scholars. “But if you study the Qur’an [Holy Book in Islam] and the Sunnah [the examples/teachings of the Prophet Muhammad], we find that Allah commands the wives of the Prophet to cover themselves.” She tells me the wives of the Prophet were considered the best and purest women of all time, and covering was considered an act of modesty and submission to God’s command. “If this act of veiling was made obligatory for the best women ever created, then it must be fard (obligatory) for us…What would lead me to believe I’m better than them?”
She then begins to recall the moments that led to her decision of veiling. “Another turning point in my life was a [marriage] proposal that I received. The guy wanted to marry a niqaabi woman and my initial reaction was: I am not the one you want.” But after reading up on the issues and reasoning behind the niqaab, something changed, “…and I found this was something that I wanted to do.” She explains it was something of an epiphany, and this feeling of increased faith is what prepared her for a life changing alteration.

  We briefly shift into the topic of marriage and she tells me that young Muslims are always eager to marry. “It’s what prevents lusts from turning into immoral acts, like premarital sex…Anything that leads to desire, even too much looking [at the opposite sex] is considered unrighteous and un-Islamic.” This is why the marriage proposal from a man she did not know, did not seem unusual or out of the ordinary. She tells me the criteria for Islamic marriages, is that the aspiring spouse should be very religious. “He knew my dad, and asked for my hand in marriage…and that was it.”

Noor says she disagrees with people who say change is gradual, because for her, change happened almost instantaneously. “I went from wearing the hijaab (Islamic head scarf) with fitted jeans, to wearing the niqaab and big jilbaabs… [Before], I never even studied Islam when I was in hijaab.” And in this short transition period, she recalls the longing she felt to fulfill her duty as a Muslim woman.

“Every time I saw a niqaabi I was jealous. I would stare at each and every one of them thinking, why can’t I please Allah (God) the way she pleases Allah?”

MashaAllah. This one big dream of mine. Make it possible Ya Allah. Help me.

I have a big one dream. Currently is picking up my guts and strength to do that. Semoga dipermudah Dia. InshaAllah. :)
It's not okay to have this feeling, again. It is ripping me off. Stop sending me to the moon and indirectly throw me to the core of earth. It's not okay to play with one's heart. It really is not okay. 

That hole inside you was created by God, for God. Did you really think anything less could fill it? -YM
An-Nur : Ayah 26 : 'Vile women are for vile men and vile men are for vile women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women. Such are innocent of that which people say, for them is a pardon and a bountiful provision.'

The hidden message is, let's stop looking for the right one but prepare ourselves to be the right one. :)

Sharifah Syamimi Syed Omar

B, this one is for you. I purposefully choose the one without the lyrics and words because I believe that you're singing this without them. That's how I love you. Down with words but you know that I'm always loving you. :*

as if you know. 


Aduhh. Bertimbun homework. Tapi masih. Malam barula kelam kabut kan. Siang masa class gap tade reti nak bukak tgk buat ape yang patut. Goyang kaki je. Nah rasakannnn. Sampai sakit belakang tak terperi duk hadap homework. Ayat bm sangat. Kena buat essssssssssay lagi. Dah berapa tahun tak buat essay ni. Dah pulak, academic essay. Takboleh ada jargon, takboleh ada informal speech, takboleh bunga bungan cinta misha omar, aih, menduga beteii. Kang tiru buat plagiarism kang ha. Hihi. Selesai sudah sesi bebelan, sambung buat homework ayuhhh. Siap tak siap pedulikkk, nak tengok running man jgk malam ni. :P
Don't waste my precious soul. It's worth more than just your crap to be flatten out. 
our mood change. our lives change. our feelings for each other change. our bearings change. the song changes. the air changes. the temperature of the shower changes. accept this. we must accept this. 


My health is declining day by day. I hope its not going to go any way further than this. Sometimes, it kills me physically and psychologically. This moment reminds me of the past. When I was in my happiest period, it bite into it and never let me have that ever again. And now, when happiness is lingering around me, when I'm trying to get myself near Him, it starts all over again. A bit of frustration bring me no where but doom. Please Allah, let me get through this, one more time. 
Kerenah manusia yang tidak pernah sudah. Kadang tergelak sendiri kadang menangis sendiri. Sudahla sudah. Kalau disukat kesabaran, pecah sudah meter hati. Istighfar. Sabar itu pendinding diri. Shaytan hakis itu setiap waktu. Istighfar. Cukupla hati. Jangan terasa lagi, jangan sedih lagi. Bila waktu hati rasa derita, ia rasa dekat dengan penciptanya. Bila waktu hati rasa bahagia, ia makin dekat dengan penciptanya. Yang terbaik sudah diputus Dia, langkahi dengan segala yang perlu.

Note to self. :')

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by Yasmin Mogahed "We must also realize that nothing happens without a purpose. Nothing. Not even broken hearts. Not even pain. That broken heart and that pain are lessons and signs for us. They are warnings that something is wrong. They are warnings that we need to make a change. Just like the pain of being burned is what warns us to remove our hand from the fire, emotional pain warns us that we need to make an internal change. That we need to detach. Pain is a form of forced detachment. Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the more dunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it"
There will come a day when a person would be willing to give everything they ever loved, everything they ever owned, everything they ever chased in this life, everything between the heavens and earth...just for the chance to come back here and make just one sajdah (prostration). Just one. 
Yasmin Mogahed. 
It's not that easy. But who ever said it will? :)

Takfaham kenapa wujud keperluan untuk membanding bandingkan diri dgn org lain. Yermbandingkan itu bagus untuk memotivasikan diri. Tapi fikir balik, berbaloi ke untuk mencapai sesuatu kerana orang lain. Kenapa bukan kerana diri sendiri, kerana ibu bapa dan yang paling penting kerana Allah. Kan lebih manis begitu. :)

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Kau aku taksama. Kadang aku terpanggil untuk tanyakan ini 'kau bahagia hancurkan hidup orang?'

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Just simply talk to Him. Dia sentiasa mendengar sebab Dia Maha Mendengar. No matter how you say it. No matter when and where. No matter what. Doa itu wireless. Dan coverage dia masuk satu universe. -Hlovate
I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. But spiritually, I believe that its getting tougher and stronger than ever. I believe He is out there watching me, helping me in His own ways as much as He could. He is The One that always being by me, when others are running away and didn't keep their forever-promises. I never felt so alone, knowing that He is always accompanying me. That belief, keeps on holding on until now. :)
Just because I've said nothing, doesn't make you eligible to say just anything. 
Assalamualaikum. Its been a long time. Dah lama tak aktif facebook, tumblr, blog, phone pon sama. I bukan sombong I bukan menjauh ke apa, I cuma tak sehat. Yang teramat. And I rasa setakat tu je yang I boleh bagitau. Those who willing to understand, will understand and those yang taknak, I takboleh paksa. :) Biarlah apa orang nak kata. I dah penat menjaga hati orang. Terlalu menjaga hati orang sampaikan hati sendiri terabai. I bukan mengungkit cuma kadang kadang I penat nak explain, nak terangkan apa apa. Just for the fact that orang selalu nak salah anggap. Hm biarlah. Cukupla terasa hati dengan orang, lagi pun I ada baca kt blog somebody, dia cakap ada nas yang cakap dosa orang yang kecil hati ni lagi besar dari dosa kecikkan hati orang. Itu menunjukkan kita tak redha dengan apa yang telah ditentu Dia. Kalau pun tade nas mengenai hal itu, kalau difikir secara logik, betul kan? Tapelah. Orang suka bercakap, biarkan mereka bercakap. Orang suka menghakimi, biarkan mereka menghakimi. Semua orang tak punya hati yang sama untuk dikongsi, duka yang sama untuk dilalui, suka yang sama untuk dirasai. Biasalah. You can't expect everything will be just the way you wish it's going to kan? :)

Enough about me. 

Takziah bb for your lost. I know she meant a lot to you, tapi Allah lebih sayangkan dia. I betul betul berharap I ada waktu tu, but I couldn't. I cuba nak drive tp I termuntah in a car afterwards. I am terribly sorry. InshaAllah I kesana kita sama sama bacakan yassin untuk arwah ye b? Love you, as always. :*

I harap semua orang bahagia. Tak melalui benda-benda yang tak elok. Kalau ada yang sakit hati dengan I sebab being anonymous or invisible during past weeks, I minta maaf. Its beyond my control. :)

Exams are now officially over. Now i can start thinking the way i always did. Its not a very happy new year to start with. But i will try to make it way through the end, the best year. For now.

P/s: i miss everyone. :(

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