Sometimes I wish you do care for me, and sometimes I don't want to. Sometimes I wish we will make it as far as we could, but sometimes I wish we aren't going to.  Sometimes, I wish we could understand each other and sometimes I don't even want to. Sometimes, I laugh and cry because of you, but sometimes, I don't even bother much. Sometimes, I hope we will expect the best out of each other, but sometimes, we break each other down. Sometimes, I wish you to be all mine and I'll be all yours, but sometimes I want neither.Those sometimes, they remain unguaranteed, because you and I both know that, nothing of will happen without His Will. Let's just pray, hm? :)
Kakak sayang,

Bila jiwa kacau risau tentang masa depan,
Bila hati sesak dengan karenah manusia yang tidak memahami,
Bila jiwa sukar berlapang dada,
Bila hati disempitkan dengan sangkaan buruk terhadap saudara lain,
Bila hati sentiasa ingin marah,
Bila hati mula berjinak dengan nafsu yang Allah tidak redha.
Bila akal lupa tujuan asal hidup,
Bila diri terasa enak berlingkar dengan maksiat,
Bila hati puas melakukan perkara yang tidak berbuah amal,
Bila jasad duduk enak tanpa berbuat ma’aruf.
Bila air mata terlalu sukar untuk dititiskan untuk-Nya,
Bila hati mula mengeras,
Bila fikiran melayang untuk perkara sia-sia,
Bila hati mula berputus asa terhadap rahmat dan nikmat-Nya.
Bila diri mula meminta yang berlebihan,
Bila hati mula meminta untuk yang bukan haq,
Bila diri rasa sudah cukup,
Bila lidah terlalu keras untuk mengalunkan zikir.
Bila cemburu terhadap nikmat dan rezeki insan lain,
Bila diri berpura baik di hadapan manusia,
Bila hati merasa perbuatan dosa sebagai tidak apa,
Bila diri sentiasa mahu dipuji.
Bila hati tidak yakin dengan janji-Nya,
Bila diri menyesal dengan setiap taqdir-Nya,
Bila hati sentiasa mencari aib dan salah orang lain,
Bila diri sentiasa ingin memuaskan selain dari Allah.
Bila hati merasa bebas dari jagaan Allah,
Bila merasa diri milik mutlaq diri sendiri,
Bila hati merasa aman melanggar amanah,
Bila merasakan tiada yang lebih penting melainkan diri sendiri.
Bila diri terlalu banyak beralasan,
Bila setiap perbuatan tidak terniat untuk Allah,
Bila diri mula berasa berat untuk sembah dan sujud kepada-Nya,
Bila telinga lebih enak dilagukan dengan selain ayat-ayat suci-Nya.
Bila mulut lebih senang berbicara tentang dunia dari manisnya syurga,
Bila redha manusia lebih dicari daripada redha Allah,
Bila merasa cinta manusia lebih asyik daripada cinta Allah,
Bila hati tidak rindu untuk bertemu-Nya,
Bila hati mula disempitkan dengan dunia,
Bila diri sombong tidak mahu meminta kepada-Nya,
Bila setiap akal, jiwa dan jasad terikat dengan dunia.

Hati itu bukan hati aku lagi..
Yakinla, hanya Dia yang tahu segala.

Be strong love. :)
Which part of my explanation that you don't get it? You are aging, behave like one. Leave me alone. How many signals do I have to show to give you the impression that I just don't like you. What is wrong with you. -.-

p/s : A, this post is not for you. It's for the other guy yang I dah tade kudrat nak layan. :I
I haven't said yes neither have I said no. Please, don't put too much hope. I hate seeing people breaking down because of me, please don't manipulate that. You have so many beautiful things waiting for you ahead. You should have waited for that. If I being too nice to you, its just me.  Please, don't get misunderstood. I don't have the heart to hurt you, that's will be the last thing I want to do. You are my best friend and  I want to keep it that way, for now. 

May Allah grants you with everything and someone that you should have. :) 

I’m sorry. 

I’m sorry I don’t have the most perfect skin.
I’m sorry I don’t look like a Victoria Secrets model
I’m sorry I don’t have the best style.
I’m sorry I’m not tall.
I’m sorry I’m not perfectly skinny- 5’7 nor 100 pounds.
I’m sorry I have stretch marks here and there. 
I’m sorry I have bad hijab days. 
I’m sorry that I’m plain.
I’m sorry my eyebrows aren’t thin and perfectly trimmed.
I’m sorry my face isn’t caked in make-up.
I’m sorry that I can never meet society’s standards.

But you know what? 

I don’t need to care about society’s criteria. 
I don’t need people to tell me I’m beautiful.
I don’t need compliments to make me feel better. 
I don’t need a superficial love that can’t withstand a stretch mark here or chub there.
I don’t need to keep sinking into a never ending pit of low self-esteem.

Because I looked to Allah, and He told me the perfect recipe to be Beautiful.
Not just temporarily, but forever. 

“And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace,…” [25:63]

“And [they are] those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate.” [25:67]

“And he who repents and does righteousness does indeed turn to Allah with [accepted] repentance. And [they are] those who do not testify to falsehood, and when they pass near ill speech, they pass by with dignity. And those who, when reminded of the verses of their Lord, do not fall upon them deaf and blind. And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” Those will be awarded the Chamber for what they patiently endured, and they will be received therein with greetings and [words of] peace.” [25:71-75]

Ya Allah, when the world criticizes me a million times over
Ya Allah, when the world keeps telling me hurtful things
Ya Allah, when the world keeps pushing “ugly” at me.
Give me the courage to hold firm to your Deen. 
Ya Allah, as long as I am beautiful to you, nothing else matters. 

Ya Allah, even when everyone leaves my side, let me take comfort in the fact that
You are closer to me than my jugular vein [50:16]

Repost from

All of the move on and such, I know I am not a good liar. I miss you. And sometimes, its too much too bear. 

I'm still missing you. :(
Those who really know me so well, will always know that I didn't pissed off out of nothing. But I'm sorry, though I thought and I always treat you like my own sister, this time, you really pissed me off. How do you expect me to just stand with you staring at me with all that filthy-and-you-are-not-going-to-be-in-my-clan look? How do you expect me to be 24/7 nice to you when all you did is breaking my heart? Who do you really think you are? What? I'm just a piece of paper to you? Even though you treat people like hell, I'm still there, never like ever leave you in the dark. Durgh. I'm not bringing up what I've done to you, and I don't expect you to be nice to me either. But just how many hearts more do you wish to break? SOD OFF!
I've lost my trust, once. Don't let it becomes twice.
There is no better friend than a friend who reminds you to pray, reminds you of Allah, and increases your iman.

Dear heart, please be still. There is no point of giving out the best in you to someone who you yourself doesn’t know were meant for you or not. Be friends to everyone, and make no enemy. Trust anybody, but with precaution. Take care of the heart, it doesn’t take a lot of space in you, but any changes to it, will change the whole you. 
I never know the right things to say, I hesitate, I choke, I hold back, I say sometimes say too much, I never can completely express myself with just words. I’m not a sweet talker, nor are my words a source of comfort. 

I guess I’m just the kind of person who expresses through actions rather than the usage of my tongue. 
I’m sorry you don’t get to hear what you want majority of the times but trust me, you’ll see it.
I'm trying so hard not to hate you. Please, don't make it any worse. Just please.