My guts. Sometimes they went wrong, and sometimes they were right. This time, I believe my guts. I never liked you before, but I'm trying to for the sake of my friendship with your friends who happened to be my best friends. I'm trying to like you, but it seems to me that its only me who working hard out here. You did nothing, being such an ignorance, and you want everything to flow like you wanted. It is not a right attitude missy. Your age means nothing if that's the way you behaved. I respect you, and surprisingly, I do love you. We have been hanging out, talking, pillowing and such, together, but this time, I got tired. I've never liked you and I thought I shouldn't have make my first move to befriend you. I am not regretting my action, its just, I'm tired of working out alone while you do nothing but breaking my heart everyday. :I
I have to say. I tension stress melampau. Exam next week dah. I can accept that. Tapi accounting. Ya Allah. I taktahu macam mana nak deal dgn subjek tu. I sangat sangat tertekan. Tadi try buat exercise accounting, I nangis. Sebab bukan I terharu I dapat jwb ke apa, sebabnya memanggg I taktahu takreti cane nak buat. Tipula kalau I cakap I takpernah berusaha nak faham accounting ni. Since awal sem aritu lagi, I cuba nak pupuk minat, I cuba buat exercise semua. I cuba. But I just couldn't. Ya Allah. I don't know. This time, this semester, I couldn't bear to imagine what will happened. I cuma terlalu stress and I taktahu apa nak buat. I cuma mampu doa minta tolong dari Dia. Minta Dia kuatkan semangat I. :(
Just so you know, it's never been so easy on me. To let all the memories perish, to let everything goes on top of me. Sip all the tears, hop on the truth. I just have to. Don't let all my efforts turn into nothing. Just please. I am so tired of all the play, of all the drama. So, would you now? Leave me alone.
Sakit kembali. Ya Allah. Terkadang ujian ini menduga segala yang ada padaku. Ya Allah.
Engkau taktahu derita yang ku lalu
Engkau hanya melihat hidup ku hingar dengan keletah ketawa
Engkau bukan aku
Mahu pun dibenar Dia, aku takpasti apa kau bisa berdiri disini, tempat yang aku berpijak kini


Lelah aku 
Lelah aku menghadap kerenah manusia
Engkau mengira aku kuat
Engkau mengira aku mampu
Kiraan engkau kadang ada benarnya


Tapi tahukah engkau
Aku manusia
Cuma manusia
Kadang aku rebah meruntun jiwa esakku
Kadang aku gusar mampukah aku menahan getaran sebak ini
Kadang aku bertanya, bilakah sungai dimataku ini kering


Aku gusar, aku kelana
Ada waktu aku sedar segala
Ada waktu kesedaranku dihimpit rasa pilu
Merobek kepercayaan yang aku tuntun, yang aku bina dari hari ke hari


Engkau dan aku
Apa wujudkah keperluan untuk saling merosak
Aku menghargai engkau sepertimana aku menghargai nikmat Dia
Kerana aku yakin, engkau adalah nikmatNya yang dikirim Dia untuk aku


Andai cuma engkau mengerti.



I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me
It's all right, you can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy, or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
I'm only a man
Looking for a dream

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it's not easy

Its not easy to be me
Apabila engkau melihat kekasaranku itu sebagai tanda keangkuhanku, kau lupa, kekasaran itu mendidik dan menjadikan aku lebih kuat, supaya aku tidak lagi rapuh seperti dahulu. Ketika kau mula merasakan kekasaranku itu sebagai satu isyarat yang kau mampu melukakan aku sesuka hatimu, kau lupa, aku masih punya kelembutan yang menjadikan aku si cengeng tanpa mengira waktu. Engkau menjadikan kekasaranku ini sebagai satu tiket untuk kau menghalalkan segala ketidakperikemanusiaanmu, kadang aku terpikir, adakah kau masih sedar, bahawa aku seorang wanita?


Aku kasar, bukan bermakna aku ingin menjadi lelaki. Aku begini, kerana aku tahu ini yang menjadikan aku lebih kental menghadapi semua. Kau mungkin tak akan mengerti kerana bagimu, seorang wanita itu harus sentiasa lemah gayanya. Aku tak bangga menjadi seperti ini, aku tak bangga menjadi seorang perempuan yang kasar. Aku langsung tak bangga. Asal kau tahu, kalau aku bukan seperti aku yang sekarang, hari ini, kau tidak akan pernah mengenali aku. Asal kau tahu, kekasaran aku tidak bermakna hilangnya perempuan dalam diri aku. Kau tidak tahu, langsung tidak tahu, betahkah untuk kau menilai diriku? Lihat dirimu, tinggi sekalikah darjatmu untuk menilai orang lain serendah kakimu?
Sometimes I wish you do care for me, and sometimes I don't want to. Sometimes I wish we will make it as far as we could, but sometimes I wish we aren't going to.  Sometimes, I wish we could understand each other and sometimes I don't even want to. Sometimes, I laugh and cry because of you, but sometimes, I don't even bother much. Sometimes, I hope we will expect the best out of each other, but sometimes, we break each other down. Sometimes, I wish you to be all mine and I'll be all yours, but sometimes I want neither.Those sometimes, they remain unguaranteed, because you and I both know that, nothing of will happen without His Will. Let's just pray, hm? :)
Kakak sayang,


Bila jiwa kacau risau tentang masa depan,
Bila hati sesak dengan karenah manusia yang tidak memahami,
Bila jiwa sukar berlapang dada,
Bila hati disempitkan dengan sangkaan buruk terhadap saudara lain,
Bila hati sentiasa ingin marah,
Bila hati mula berjinak dengan nafsu yang Allah tidak redha.
Bila akal lupa tujuan asal hidup,
Bila diri terasa enak berlingkar dengan maksiat,
Bila hati puas melakukan perkara yang tidak berbuah amal,
Bila jasad duduk enak tanpa berbuat ma’aruf.
Bila air mata terlalu sukar untuk dititiskan untuk-Nya,
Bila hati mula mengeras,
Bila fikiran melayang untuk perkara sia-sia,
Bila hati mula berputus asa terhadap rahmat dan nikmat-Nya.
Bila diri mula meminta yang berlebihan,
Bila hati mula meminta untuk yang bukan haq,
Bila diri rasa sudah cukup,
Bila lidah terlalu keras untuk mengalunkan zikir.
Bila cemburu terhadap nikmat dan rezeki insan lain,
Bila diri berpura baik di hadapan manusia,
Bila hati merasa perbuatan dosa sebagai tidak apa,
Bila diri sentiasa mahu dipuji.
Bila hati tidak yakin dengan janji-Nya,
Bila diri menyesal dengan setiap taqdir-Nya,
Bila hati sentiasa mencari aib dan salah orang lain,
Bila diri sentiasa ingin memuaskan selain dari Allah.
Bila hati merasa bebas dari jagaan Allah,
Bila merasa diri milik mutlaq diri sendiri,
Bila hati merasa aman melanggar amanah,
Bila merasakan tiada yang lebih penting melainkan diri sendiri.
Bila diri terlalu banyak beralasan,
Bila setiap perbuatan tidak terniat untuk Allah,
Bila diri mula berasa berat untuk sembah dan sujud kepada-Nya,
Bila telinga lebih enak dilagukan dengan selain ayat-ayat suci-Nya.
Bila mulut lebih senang berbicara tentang dunia dari manisnya syurga,
Bila redha manusia lebih dicari daripada redha Allah,
Bila merasa cinta manusia lebih asyik daripada cinta Allah,
Bila hati tidak rindu untuk bertemu-Nya,
Bila hati mula disempitkan dengan dunia,
Bila diri sombong tidak mahu meminta kepada-Nya,
Bila setiap akal, jiwa dan jasad terikat dengan dunia.

Hati itu bukan hati aku lagi..
Yakinla, hanya Dia yang tahu segala.


Be strong love. :)
Which part of my explanation that you don't get it? You are aging, behave like one. Leave me alone. How many signals do I have to show to give you the impression that I just don't like you. What is wrong with you. -.-
























p/s : A, this post is not for you. It's for the other guy yang I dah tade kudrat nak layan. :I
I haven't said yes neither have I said no. Please, don't put too much hope. I hate seeing people breaking down because of me, please don't manipulate that. You have so many beautiful things waiting for you ahead. You should have waited for that. If I being too nice to you, its just me.  Please, don't get misunderstood. I don't have the heart to hurt you, that's will be the last thing I want to do. You are my best friend and  I want to keep it that way, for now. 

May Allah grants you with everything and someone that you should have. :) 





I’m sorry. 


I’m sorry I don’t have the most perfect skin.
I’m sorry I don’t look like a Victoria Secrets model
I’m sorry I don’t have the best style.
I’m sorry I’m not tall.
I’m sorry I’m not perfectly skinny- 5’7 nor 100 pounds.
I’m sorry I have stretch marks here and there. 
I’m sorry I have bad hijab days. 
I’m sorry that I’m plain.
I’m sorry my eyebrows aren’t thin and perfectly trimmed.
I’m sorry my face isn’t caked in make-up.
I’m sorry that I can never meet society’s standards.

But you know what? 

I don’t need to care about society’s criteria. 
I don’t need people to tell me I’m beautiful.
I don’t need compliments to make me feel better. 
I don’t need a superficial love that can’t withstand a stretch mark here or chub there.
I don’t need to keep sinking into a never ending pit of low self-esteem.

Because I looked to Allah, and He told me the perfect recipe to be Beautiful.
Not just temporarily, but forever. 

“And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace,…” [25:63]

“And [they are] those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate.” [25:67]

“And he who repents and does righteousness does indeed turn to Allah with [accepted] repentance. And [they are] those who do not testify to falsehood, and when they pass near ill speech, they pass by with dignity. And those who, when reminded of the verses of their Lord, do not fall upon them deaf and blind. And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” Those will be awarded the Chamber for what they patiently endured, and they will be received therein with greetings and [words of] peace.” [25:71-75]

Ya Allah, when the world criticizes me a million times over
Ya Allah, when the world keeps telling me hurtful things
Ya Allah, when the world keeps pushing “ugly” at me.
Give me the courage to hold firm to your Deen. 
Ya Allah, as long as I am beautiful to you, nothing else matters. 

Ya Allah, even when everyone leaves my side, let me take comfort in the fact that
You are closer to me than my jugular vein [50:16]





Repost from http://adriani-a.blogspot.com

All of the move on and such, I know I am not a good liar. I miss you. And sometimes, its too much too bear. 










I'm still missing you. :(
Those who really know me so well, will always know that I didn't pissed off out of nothing. But I'm sorry, though I thought and I always treat you like my own sister, this time, you really pissed me off. How do you expect me to just stand with you staring at me with all that filthy-and-you-are-not-going-to-be-in-my-clan look? How do you expect me to be 24/7 nice to you when all you did is breaking my heart? Who do you really think you are? What? I'm just a piece of paper to you? Even though you treat people like hell, I'm still there, never like ever leave you in the dark. Durgh. I'm not bringing up what I've done to you, and I don't expect you to be nice to me either. But just how many hearts more do you wish to break? SOD OFF!
:`)
I've lost my trust, once. Don't let it becomes twice.
There is no better friend than a friend who reminds you to pray, reminds you of Allah, and increases your iman.
source:Tumblr

Dear heart, please be still. There is no point of giving out the best in you to someone who you yourself doesn’t know were meant for you or not. Be friends to everyone, and make no enemy. Trust anybody, but with precaution. Take care of the heart, it doesn’t take a lot of space in you, but any changes to it, will change the whole you. 
I never know the right things to say, I hesitate, I choke, I hold back, I say sometimes say too much, I never can completely express myself with just words. I’m not a sweet talker, nor are my words a source of comfort. 

I guess I’m just the kind of person who expresses through actions rather than the usage of my tongue. 
I’m sorry you don’t get to hear what you want majority of the times but trust me, you’ll see it.
I'm trying so hard not to hate you. Please, don't make it any worse. Just please.
I'm not talking not because I hate you. I'm not talking because I think it is better to stay that way. Be safe. Be happy. :)
a chill-hangout which then turned into a serious subject case of mind discussion. *too epic? :P   


him : just so you know, you are the number one in my list.


me: which mean?


him : i'm trying to get you, at first, and still.


me : numb. oh okay. i'm pretty surprise.


him : and i'm gonna be surprise if any man ever get into your list.


me : HEYY, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT. hahaha


him: i'm joking. it seems so hard for any man to get into your heart. you should give them chances, you see.


me : i've put everyone in my number one list. but the pain and the wounds they threw at me in return, 
man, that were really hurt. those are still hurt.......


me : but i've never learned from the past. i still put the in my number one list.


him : it seems to me that you labelled men as everyone. you should learned that every single man is different, and please, and i'm sorry to say this, the bitches and m.f(s) who hurt you, they are nothing like the other man. woman and man are different dear. muddle up everything will make you suffer in the end. you are torturing yourself. its not okay to let your heart being hurt, over and over again. pick yourself up. there is no problem being too big-hearted. its  just, to who should you be like one. give a chance to yourself. give a chance to any man. give a chance, to me.


me : that was really, a long speech. *being cocky i know interrupting the serious midst. urgh loser.


me : but that was so sweet.  and full bunch of advices. *numb. NUMB. NUMB.


me : you buat ape tu? *urgh, seriously?!!


him : trying to get a wife.


me : *gulp. 


me : oh, my mom's calling. till thennn. tc.


him : it's okay. later take care too.. :)
Read a quote.


Deleted a facebook status.


Have come to realize.


That I should be carrying my mouth they way I should, acting like I should. Like what a muslim should.


Doesn't matter what do I feel. What matters most is what does He feels when I'm not being like what I should. Using His, body and soul, which borrowed not for so long, to me. :)
Everything, for now, is beyond words. I couldn't put anything into words. Its a major problem that somehow I've no idea how to solve. May Allah guide me all way long. Ameen. 
Sakit belakang macam tak pernah nak serik ja? -__- Pape jela. Dah terlalu berseronok seminggu dua ni. Bila nak masa nak focus study haih I don't know. Tiap masa stress. Haha. Masa tak stress? Masa makan. Dah bertambah koleksi orang yang cakap, 'tia dah gemuk ye sekarang?'. Maka jawapannya. 'a ah'. Haha. Kesahhh la. Ya saya akan kurus balik, err bila saya dah ready nak exercise tak buat kepala hangin macam sekarang. :D:D. My BMI sikit je nak normal. Bukan nye sikittt lagi nak obese pon. As long as my health is okay, and I think mungkin la okay sekarang, kot. Haha. Exam esok lusa tak reti nak insaf susahla. -.- Tell me when is the last time I faham pasal accounting, econs bagai ni? Tak pernah. Not having any basic in it bla bla bla. Ahh alasan malas kau tu fathiah. :P Kat library kena kurangkan online ni. Kena focus. Sekurangnya kalau kt rumah tak study, in fact, memang tak pon, kat library kenala ada effort nak study kan? Susah lah gini kalau 6 killer subjects minus the hard work, minus the class yang I ponteng, minus lagi masa main main, minus this and that, abis cane nak baiki cgpa jadi 3.7 nye punn. Taknak dah rosakkan rekod. :( Sekali kena, kemain rasa down nya. Haih, orang cakap yang I'm doing just fine, guys, you really need to know this, I bukan nya jenis yang suka berputus asa, but the thing is, I kalau dah jatuh, I susah nak bangun balik. Pardon my poor malay. Tu lagi satu I kena baiki, bm I bukannya teruk bagai nak pengsan punya tahap, tapi I feel so bad, not doing so well in my own bahasa. I dah mula baca buku melayu dah sekarang, to be exact, puisi and such, I rasa puisi melayu sangat puitis, they have the double and even multiples kind of meaning behind one sentence. Awesome much? Yes it is. Hihi. I'm trying my very hard here to keep on my emotional and spiritual at the same pace. I'm changing myself, not to much, not to fast, but I want to make sure that, if I did that, I nak benda tu berterusan. Susahnya nak maintainkan benda yang baik kan? Nak buat jahat senangnya. *ketuk kepala sendiri sebab terasa. I kena kerja kuat, kena kerja kuat. Kerja kuat bukannya malas, selalu nak bertangguh kan. *ketuk kepala sendiri lagi kuat sebab terasa. Till then, I nak tido dah. Tomorrow is going to be a new day, no? Pray for anything, expect less than nothing, have faith in everything. Much love. :) 
kadang langkah terkaku,
bukan kerana dinginnya salju,
tapi beratnya hati.


kadang mulut terkunci,
bukan kerana jerihnya di lelangit,
tapi ditenggelami derita.


kadang hati membeku,
bukan kerana bencinya kalbu,
tapi ruangan itu wujud, antara kau dan aku.

Do not make me stop caring. Because when I do, there's no u-turn.
my life is not always that awesome. i find difficulties sometimes. and they break me down, sometimes. of all cries and such, man, i've been there, quite a regular customer i must say. :I


Even this small piece of my artwork makes me happy. Afterall, I shoot not to impress people. I shoot because it makes me happy. :)
Be kind to your heart and stop worrying about the things which is out of your control. Let Allah handle them. 




True indeed. :)
Hurting you isn't my choice. But it is my only option. I'm so sorry. :(
Ahh, you came back. With one perfect excuse. Man, you're killing me. What is so wrong with me being a single? What is so wrong with me making up my own reasons? What is wrong with me being not-so-dependent? Ahhh, don't just came and blurting your accusations. You don't know how I passed the years, you don't know the sacred that lies within me. You don't know, and I think you don't really care. You never care, and why should you now? I get tired of dramas, of your dramas, please, don't bother around to fix everything. I   couldn't care less. You have nothing to do with me, and glad to say, your attitude isn't going to melt me down, again. Thank you for the sweet talk, I have enough. I have a tremendously wonderful people around me, without you wouldn't change anything. Oh well, you did change me once, that once taught me everything. And now, if you may, go now, forever? Like pretty please? :)
I looked happy, no?

Be with someone who can’t stay mad at you, who can’t stand not talking to you, and who’s scared of losing you.
6th October 2011.
today is my baby's birthday.
whom i love so much, whom i care so dearly.

to cherish the moments, to cherish the upbringing years that had grown so much people.
she is indeed the best one that you could ever have.


may all the best wishes with her.
may all the happiness will be hers.
may all what the best the world could ever bear shall be hers.


for i love her.
so dearly.


Happy Birthday My Baby, Sharifah Syamimi Syed Omar.



Assalamualaikum.
Yes, its been a while since I update blog ni kan?
Been to sarawak, meeting new friends, hijacking the not so good friend (haha), and yes, most of all, recharge myself. Too many dramas, too many this and that, kadang kadang jadi muak tak terkata dah. But fot the sake of that people and this people, to bear with it is a must. Man, I'm too tired for some other cheap drama. You are a man, be a MAN, not an actor who simply go here and there, bluffing about this and that. Ergh, ikotla pape pon. Malas nak pikir. See? I malas nak fikir. Jadi you jangan susah susah nak jadi pemikir tuk I. Jaga diri you tu, I tak mintak pape, in fact, I bukan jenis yang suka mintak bukan bukan gedik hingaq bukan bukan dengan orang yang bukan bukan. Hihi. Tak best ah bebel. Nak pegi makan, lagi best. Byeeeeeeeeeee.
senyap dah dua hari. tremendously sick. its okay, used to it dah kan. :)
hand phone once again, rosak. i guess dia faham yang i need some time alone.
this pain. and those miserable situation yang i kena pikir tak kesudah, i don't know.
told you, all the whats not pasal jodoh i dah serah pada Dia. janganlah berharap sangat as i pun tak bagi harapan pape. i am that horrible and useless woman. please, don't rely on me as i don't rely to you. be happy. stop hoping. you will feel so much better then. :)
Yes, I am that abnormal kind of woman. So now, go away. 

“Superheroes allow their capes to hang off their backs; but our Superwomen choose to wrap them around their heads.”
-Boonaa Mohammed 
I still miss you and maybe even still like you, but I'm done chasing you. :) Eat that.
i'm sorry i've restraint this heart so tight. i'm sorry i can't give you what you want. i'm sorry i've been such a heartless woman, i'm sorry i've been too rude to you. i'm sorry i can't say 'i love you too'. i'm sorry.
usah diragui ketabahanmu
usah diragui dugaanNya
kamu adalah zaujah terbaik hanya untuk rejalmu yang terbaik
sakit hatimu tika ini, pilu peritnya jiwa mu tika ini
ketahuilah, suatu hari nanti, kamu akan berterima kasih untuk semua itu
itu yang mematangkan, itu yang memberi kamu kerdipan syukur terima kasih mengajar segala erti hidup
yang pasti sudah kamu betah ketahui, hanya sementara


lelaki yang meninggalkan kamu itu, bukan hanya kerana dia tidak melihat cinta dihati kamu
bukan hanya kerana dia adalah lelaki yang tidak punya jiwa untuk menghargai kamu
tetapi itu sudah disuratkan olehNya
kerana Dia tahu, lelaki itu bukan yang terbaik untukmu, lelaki itu tidak memegang kunci untuk laluan kamu ke pintu syurga
dan kerana Dia tahu, tulang rusuk yang kamu punya kini bukanlah milik lelaki itu


terimalah sayang
biarkan sayang
lepaskan segala yang membebankan jiwa kamu
cinta yang disemaiNya di hati kamu itu terlalu bernilai untuk disiakan
biarkan segala, terima seadanya
andai punya derita bagi kamu, pasti jua ada bahagia menunggu
ku ingin kau ingati ini
kamu adalah zaujah terbaik, hanya untuk rejalmu yang terbaik.







They were off to run after their dreams. Away. Too far I couldn't hear their laugh, I couldn't wipe their tears. Too hard to let go of so many people. For their sake, only then, I knew they gone for a prefect reason. They will be soon home, here, and again, to mend a crybaby, to soothe a heart. Afterall, that's what they really are, a good person with a good heart.


My dearest adik, Amir and Hilmi, be good, be healthy, be patient, be everything that you should be, be everything that you want to be. Have a blast years, have a tremendous experiences, have a one wholesome of barokah from Him. I miss you guys already. :(


To Faiz, Shakur, Raihan, Hidayati, Farhana, Hafiz, Zahidah, Shafikah, Abdullah, Syairah. All the best to you all. Be with Him, and He will always be with you all. InshaAllah.


Love endlessly, Tia. :*  
I've been ultimately strong this lately, but unfortunately, I've forgot one thing, this heart, it's still fragile. Much fragile from what I've could ever imagined.

But alhamdulillah, at least, I know, it's still working, it's still playing its role.
And alhamdulillah, like Allah said, "Remember Me, and I will remember you and only in the remembrance of Allah do heart finds peace and comfort."

Heart, is the source of life, where we find our true identity, and where the path to God may be found, the junction for us to find happiness and syurga, inshaAllah. :)
deru angin.
tiba menyapa pipi.
kelamnya hati disambut titisan air mata.
hati ini kadang tertanya.
tidak peritkah disakiti.
terpana seketika, apabila katanya, aku sudah biasa.
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My teeth.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
RED!
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes, my mother. Of course I would.
4. Do you plan outfits?
Most of the time, no.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Aggrieved.
6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?
My shirt.
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
A-i-m.
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Should I?
9. Did you meet anybody new today?
No.
10. What are you craving right now?
One crusty pan of pizza.
11. Do you floss?
Oh yeah.
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Veggie.
13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
Since ages.
14. Are you emotional?
Err, yes!
15. Would you dance to the taco song?
Sometimes.
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Yessssss!
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Can I say both?
18. Do you like your hair?
Pretty much.
19. Do you like yourself?
No, I'm useless. :(
20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Perhaps. I don't really fancy one.
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Cheese=me. Get it?
22. What are you listening to right now?
Pompa Bensin's songs.
23. How many countries have you visited?
Unfortunately, 4. Just 4.
24. Are your parents strict?
Yes. They are so particular about something.
25. Would you go sky diving?
Yes YES YES YES!
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Never.
27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
No, I think I'm polite much to do that.
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
My bed.
29. Have you ever been in a castle?
Palace of the golden horses counted kan? lolx
30. Do you rent movies often?
No.
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
Last time, azim or piau.
32. Have you made a prank phone call?
No.
33. Do you own a gun?
No.
34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Satgi malam I cuba.
35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My family.
36. Brown or white eggs?
White.
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
No.
38. Ever been on a train?
Just the ERL. I'm a little phobic when it comes to train.
39. Ever been in love?
.....perhaps.
40. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes.
41. Are you too forgiving?
I think. :I
42. Do you use chop sticks?
Yes.
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Going out with me. Haha.
44. Can you use chop sticks?
Yes.
45. Ever have cream puffs?
Which type? ;p

DONE!
I don't understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how atrange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you'd do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said you couldn't live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it just hurts the same. How the poeple who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promioses despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you from their lives just because it's easier than working things out.

But afterall, they are all Allah's plan. And indeed, He knows best. He will never let His Servants suffer beyond their ability. :)
Assalamualaikum.

Well, my mind is flooded with the ideas of updating my blog but no, they never make it. Believe me, the ideas came out even when I'm showering, pretty sad I couldn't get my finger tape on them but nevermind, here I am now.

First and foremost, Happy Eid Mubarak for all muslims out there. Selamat Hari Raya Aildilfitri. Its never to late, ain't it? I honestly minta maaf if during all this time I've been not-so-good daughter, sister, friend and such and obviously I am not. Maaf zahir batin andai ada yang terasa, I'm not a nice person, I knew that, I'm sorry I've broke some hearts, I'm sorry I talked so harsh, I'm sorry I am being such an ignorance. Ramadhan away, I hope that what Ramadhan taught me, will remain in me, will remain in teaching me to be a good muslim, to be good, just to be good. InshaAllah.

Terima kasih ada yang jemput pergi open house, I can only make some of it. Betul betul rasa bersalah. :I Masa sangat suntuk, I just couldn't tapi inshaAllah, I'll find some masa untuk pergi. Bukan bulan raya bukan bermaksud kita tak boleh pergi ziarah menziarahi kan?

I rindu semua orang. We are getting apart. My mistakes I know, for being busy-for-nothing. I'll make it right this time, I'll make it right. Kalau betul Allah izinkan hubungan kita sampai bila bila, inshaAllah, we are gonna make through of the tides, ups and down. I sayang semua orang, I don't want to lose any one of you.

Till then, peace. :)




p/s : Mimie, I rindu you. :(
Extremely busy. Don't know what I'm busy with. Tadi I pecut gila ntah kene saman ke tidak tapi peduli lah. Urgent. Okay I rasa weng rasa mcm nak suruh semua orang shut up, fix your ownself, ignore me, bye. Hah gitu. Okay bye. *emo. Hhaha
Why don’t we know for sure the exact night of Lailatu al-Qadr?

Allah kept the exact night of Lailatu al-Qadr a secret so that his servants would strive harder seeking it in all the final ten nights, just as he has made the exact time in which supplication is accepted every Friday unknown so that we would increase in our Du’a the whole day. He has also hidden from us his pleasure and acceptance of deeds so that we will seek his pleasure all of the time in his obedience. The time of our death and the exact time of the day of judgement are known only to Allah so that all people would strive to do their best all of the time and not wait until the end.


Source : Tumblr.

If i even remain in sajda forever, it still won’t be enough to thank Allah for all the blessings he has given me. Alhamdulillah.


To assume that everyone is an angel, I look pretty naive, ain't I? I forgot that there is two nature of human in this world, the good and the bad. Unless I have the true confide in you, you can't really bid for my trust. Well, I'm sorry for being bitter, I've learned from my past, being merely sweet or such IN FRONT of me doesn't make you look any different if you are talking rubbish about me then. I don't mind actually, sebab out of all my friends, you are the only one standing alone my dear. I'm not holding any grudges, please don't take me wrong. I am a new person, it looks pathetic to get upset over that kind of situation kan? After all, I've been through a lot, not as much as our Prophet Muhammad pbuh but most importanly, I've learned. That's the way He is trying to teach us kan. You might get hurt, you might get torn, but truly, you have to pick yourself up and fix the wound. And to you, its not too late you see. People make mistakes. That's why we are calling ourselves human, not angel. Be nice my dear, it shows who you really are. And don't worry about me, it doesn't hurt me much for me to hate you. I reflect my own sins. Thus, should you. Assalamualaikum. :)

Assalamualaikum.

25th of August 2011.

Few years backward, with the same date, two of my beloveds were born.
Happy Birthday to both of you, mademoiselles. Both of you are indeed a good friend and even a better person. May Allah bless you with wonderful times ahead. I wish for you to have people to love, people in your life who will care about you as much as I do. With each year I'll love you more. Remember that your best years are still ahead of you and I'll be there for every up, down and in between. Happy Birthday my loves, Siti Hajar 'Aishah Ahmad, Siti Sarah Sukri@Badri. I love you so much.
she is sooooo pretty, ain't she? :*
ni satu lagi cantiknyeeh. :*


p/s : Please please tuntut hadiah dengan tia ye. Kikiki. Miss you both, muah. :*
My jantung isn't functioning well. Pretty paranoid? Yes I am. Been through an illness that somehow WAS your borderline between life and death, oh yes I'm pretty sure if my own body isn't working as what it should. Not telling my mum. No no. I could barely inhale my oxygen, maybe my asthma? But I don't know. That feel weird. This feel weird. During my buka puasa last few days, I gulp some drink, and pretty shocking actually, I couldn't swallowed my drink. Well, I could, after few minutes! Its like there's a stone in my heart, which then hurt me so bad. I think I'm gonna passed out tapi alhamdulillah, I'm not. Take my leisure time for example, everytime I'm trying to cool down, get a rest for a minute, this guts, I don't really know how to put it into words, really. Its like my jantung is burning. I have to gasping for air using my mouth. There is something wrong with my jantung, I can feel it. Or am I just exaggerating the whole situation? But I know there is something wrong.
Rindu MMU. :I
Dunia ini tidak akan mampu menghancurkan kamu, melainkan kamu yang memberinya kebenaran. Dunia ini tidak akan mampu memiliki kamu melainkan kamu memberinya kunci, memberinya hati kamu. Sekiranya itu terjadi, ambil kembali milik kamu. Ini bukan pengakhirannya. Kamu tidak perlu kecewa di dunia ini. Ambil kembali hati kamu, tempatkan ia di tempat yang sepatutnya : Bersama Allah. :)
People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are succesful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
Tergapai.
Ku harap galaksi persahabatan ini kekal begini.
Biarkan rasa yang pelik itu cuma menerpa.
Kerana ku yakin, inilah orbit yang kucari.
Cukupkan rasamu demiNya.
Harus juga kau tahu, orbit ini milik Dia semata.
My dear Jacqueline Grace Hendrick.
If life tortures you much, be thankful for that. If life make you happy, be thankful for that. We aren't someone who bound to justify our future, we just have to make the best of it. I'm not the best person for you to seek advise sebenarnya, but I want you to know that, I'm here to listen to you, to be with you. Well, sometimes we fall in love with the wrong person, but that 'wrong' person prepared us for the 'right' one. I believe your right one is still out there, waiting for you. Don't be afraid to change, as you may lose out on something good, but you may gain something better. I hope that dear heart of yours would be able to stay still, and stay strong, the tides coming might be even bigger than before. There's no wrong of crying, it will soothe you, but I want you to believe in yourself and put this in your mind, don't wasting your time taking care the heart of those who doesn't even bother to take care yours. I love you so much to see you breaking down like this. Much love sweetheart. :*
2oth of August 2011.

Happy Birthday my dear Nasuha Suhada. May Allah be with you. May His love brighten your days. I wish that you will soon, realize that your tears aren't for those who left you out, because you are indeed a wonderful woman who shall not be upset over those little thingy. I hope one day, one person, one Rejal, who sent by Allah will treasure you, will appreciate you, will love you now and hereafter. I miss you so much, see I'm crying dah. :( Rindu nak shopping, makan, bercerita sama sama. :( Hoping that all the best things will come over you. Be good, be blast my dear. I love you so much. Muah :*


p/s: nak pelokkkkkkkk haaaaa. :I

Oh Allah…

I told you: I’m in pain

You said: ‘Do not despair of the mercy of Allaah’ (39:53)

I told you: Nobody knows what is in my heart

You said: ‘Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest’ (13:28)

I told you: Many people hurt me

You said: ‘So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them’ (3:159)

I told you: I feel I’m alone

You said: ‘We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein’ (50:16)

I told you: My sins are so many

You said: ‘And who can forgive sins except Allah?’ (3:135)

I told you: Do not leave me

You said: ‘So remember Me; I will remember you…’ (2:152)

I told you: I’m facing a lot of difficulties in life

You said: ‘And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out’ (65:2)

I told you: I have many dreams that I want to come true

You said: ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you.’ (40:60)

Subhan’Allah


Source:Tumblr

Bukan tidak suka.

Bahkan jauh sekali ingin membenci.

Saya cuma tidak kuat ingin menolak rasa yang kadang-kala menerpa.

Lantas kerana itulah saya melarikan diri.

Kerana saya tahu saya bukanlah srikandi yang teguh imannya di hati.

Saya cuma hamba yang kadang-kala jatuhnya tidak diingini.

Saya tahu amat sukar bagi anda untuk mengerti.

Andai anda ingin melarikan diri.

Tiada lain saya harapkan melainkan diredhakan hati.

Kerana saya tahu rencana Illahi adalah sebaik-baik ketetapan buat diri.

Lantas, siapalah saya untuk menyanggahi?

Andai ingin menanti.

Janganlah anda merapati.

Kerana saya pasti menjauhi.

Bukan kerana membenci tetapi

Kerana saya bukanlah srikandi yang tebal imannya di hati.

Buat hati yang menangisi.

Pergilah dikau mencari redha Illahi.

The scar on my flesh reminds me of that.
The burn on my arm left a scar that I love.
I love it because it reminds me how weak I am.
How human.
That I burn. That I bleed. That I break. That I scar.
Yes. It is here that I am. Here that I fall. Here that I cry.
Here, just the same, that You filled that room, and lifted me to humbleness, and an acute knowledge of my own powerlessness and excruciating need for You.
And then you took care of it.
Of course You did.
Of course.
Like Younus, and Musa, and his mother. You took care of it.
You are the Peace of the peaceful.
The Strength of the strong.
The lighthouse of Truth in this storm of lies.
So, I found myself praying for peace today.
Allah knows we’re weak. We are weak. But subhannAllah so much of our sins are motivated by not really knowing how much He loves us. We don’t let Him fill us with His love, so we are empty. Because of our emptiness we may fall into sin because we’re trying to fill our emptiness through something else. The antidote is only one thing. Realize, feel, know how much you are loved. A love that never dies, never wanes, never fails. Let that fill your heart and make you smile :).
Yasmin Mogahed